Realizing Double Deuces

Wow.  Birthday tomorrow!  And yet... I have a lot of stuff on my mind other than celebrating another year, another wrinkle.

But, a birthday is more than just celebrating the day I was born.  It's about celebrating my life as it is now!  And, recently, I've realized I have a lot to celebrate.

I've realized I have friends I love just as much as Cherry Coke - yeah, I know!  THAT much.

I've realized that it's okay to receive compliments, even if they're about me personally.  (I think this over in my head:  "Chris, you are very sweet."  "Thank you." - RIGHT  "I'm actually lying to you, trying to convince you I'm nice.  Really, I'm quite awful." - WRONG

I've realized that I can accomplish a lot, if I put my mind to it.

I've realized that, and this is a biggie, I can wear shorts in public, and people don't fall over laughing.

I've realized that I have drive to better other people, as well as myself.

I've realized that a healthier body is attainable - and I can do it.

I've realized that the special four-letter word can actually be in my life - even if it's not how I had ever thought I would have it, it's there, wonderful and potentially mine.

I've realized I can be a bit OCD, not about things, but about people.  Something to work on, but we all have something we SHOULD change, but can only TRY to change.

I've realized that I'm not perfect, nor can I ever be.  I can be me, and if I'm happy with myself, that's really the most important.

I've realized shopping doesn't have to be excruciatingly painful, even if it's with Grandma for 4 hours.

I've realized Duncan Hines makes the best chocolate cake ever, and it's okay to have another piece.

I've realized that 2 pieces of very rich chocolate cake make my tummy slightly unhappy.

But all of these realizations come down to one thing.  I'm me.  And, I know that sounds incredibly dull, or obvious, or whatever you want to call it, but I know now that being someone else, or being someone that someone else likes.... that's not me.

So, I'm not one to really think highly of myself, but I'm rather proud of myself and my accomplishments.

Now, for the plug -  Like me on Facebook at Chris S. Cole.  It's a new page, and as of now I have 18 likes.  Hopefully, if I get a following, people will notice me as a reporter that people know and respect!

I was just going to make it "Chris Cole" but some skateboarder has that name taken already.  And over 200,000 followers.   So.... let's get cracking!!!

Looking Up... and Looking Forward

So, I decided not to be down and out anymore.  That does no one any good, especially me. 

Instead, I'm going to do two different types of looking.  Up, and forward.  I will no longer be looking down and back (horseshoe term!) because, again, I want to be positive.

I am taking strides to becoming more positive, and more confident - both are issues I've struggled with for a long time.  I can be positive in looking up and forward, and I can be confident in looking up and forward.

Being positive while looking up:  When I look up in a big open space, I have an irrational fear I can't explain.  I have the fear of falling up.  The fear that gravity will suddenly shift, and everything, including me, will fall into the atmosphere.  I don't know why I have this fear, I just do.  It's not so overwhelming that I never go in an open field, or never look up and enjoy the clouds or stars.

But lately, that's all I've been doing - looking up and being afraid.  Being negative.  Worrying.  And it's starting to affect every aspect of my life.  My short temper, my lack of caring, and inability to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes.  And those forehead wrinkles.  Hrmph.

So, I'm going to look up and think good things.  And think those things with confidence.  I will NOT fall into the sky due to a sudden shift of gravity and I will not fear falling because I'm looking up.  Besides, if I'm looking down, people won't be able to see the confident smile on my face.  And I've been told I have a nice smile.

Being positive while looking forward:  Who knows what will happen in the future?  I sure don't.  But I can dream, and I can plan.  I can hope.  But most importantly, I can care.  And I do care.  But I can't just tell people that I do, I have to show them. 

I have always had issues with being confident.  I care too much about what other people think, especially when it comes to appearance or how I act.  Getting into the broadcast business is not going to help that.  So I have to help myself.

I like the idea of accepting compliments and not having to keep myself down by parrying with a negative remark at my expense.  For example, "That was a really good story, Chris!"  "Hey, thanks!"  No problem there.  But, when it comes to ME, as a person, friend or lover....... "Chris, you really know how to make me laugh."  "Well, that's because you just look at my face."

Jokes are nice, and I like having a sense of humor, but when it comes down to them being at my expense?  Not very healthy.  So, something to work on.

I'm in this life for a reason.  I want to do something good with this life, because it's the only one I have.  Why should I be sad?  There are so many good things about my life, and most importantly, I know now that I'm not in it alone.  And maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to be alone forever.  Or, at least, not alone all day, every day, in every way.

I have friends, and I know it.  I can tell them anything, and I know that they don't judge, and genuinely want to help me.  And not because they feel sorry for me - because they like me as a person.  And that person I want to be is not depressed.

Now, to work on that whole "relationship" thing......